Well its been about 60 days or so days since my grand college graduation. Although it was a day met with mixed anticipation and excitment, 60 days or so days into my new found and uncertain future, i'm kind of wishing the ceremony had lasted longer, by about 4 more years.
Of all the things they teach you in school the one thing all educators parents and "experienced ones" forget to tell you is the truth about deep water. That your early life is in preparation to tred the deep.
Its like learning to swim is on everyone's agenda, and its such a necessity to learn, that nobody ever asks you if you even want to learn. If you want to survive, you learn to swim.
My life in the deep has only just begun. Only 2 months into it and I already feel as if i'm drowning. Thoroughly unprepared, all I seem to be left with now is keeping my head above water. As the typical narcissistic graduate you start to wonder...will all of my problems get solved when I find a job--a career. So far my answer seems to point towards yes. But this bothers me to an extent that I can't even imagine to begin explaining, and the crazy thing is, its not the problems that are troublesome, its the jobs.
Careers are great to want. In fact they are, like learning to swim, priority 1 at least in this economy. But what about the non-careers? Why aren't they in high demand? What about those of us who don't WANT "The Career". You know, the one that comes with the supersized resume, all loss of future hopes and dreams, and an extra large portion of depression.
I mean at this point the saying "a slave to the system" is just redundant.
Still, it frightens me to realize just how poignant a statement it is. It seems that when I was taught to choose a career to pursue in life, I was also being told to chose happiness or despair. The millions of us now living without jobs are not only starting to feel the sting of Marx's crazed yet astute observations, but also disconnect from our lives as we know it. So far, I'd have to say through the voice of my repressed teenage angst, that 18 years of schooling has left me more than dissapointed. Idealistic and unrealistic to the point of distruction is how I might coin my years of primary education. And college? Well the social life was probably where I learned my most valuable lessons. And though their was the occasional inspirational professor, I'm wondering why we read books like "Blood Done Sign My Name" when "Finding a Job in America" or " How to Not Get Fucked Financially" would have been so much more practical.
I wonder if life's lessons are ever meant to do more than to teach us to swim. To keep us from drowning, to simply keep our heads above the water. And if so, what does happiness have to do with it. I'm starting to see that it doesnt. But while I put feeling good about my life on hold I'll be writing about my experiences for the next few months living on hope and Ramen, and praying to the Gods of Craigslist. In you we pray!
-Amen
